a constellation written into the sky...

"...what I ultimately found is that the universe isn't going to hand you a purpose. You have to look at what your strengths, interests, values, and opportunities are and based on that, go make a contribution with what you have while you can." --Quora post

(hover your mouse over the points in the sigil to see what they represent)

"COGSIN": a symbol denoting the essence of a person

i created the cogsin sigil during a notable low point in my life where i felt like i was not in control of the way i was living. while i have had plenty of instances where my emotions have spiralled and my reliance on technology has shown its ugly face, several things had fallen into place during that particular year to make the perfect concoction of desolation that i will never forget.

it was from this state of being i felt i needed some sort of shining north star in the dark to guide the way back to inner stability. what began as a couple of abstract ideas eventually evolved into a more rigid framework from which i've been able to find (or perhaps even, create) drive and inspiration - something i've always struggled with, either due to poor mental health, or the numbing effects of the pharmaceuticals that help maintain better mental health for me.

many times i've felt like i didn't know what my purpose in life is, and that feeling still visits me on occasion, usually during my more down days. i'm slowly learning how to manage the listlessness or sometimes despair that that kind of pondering can bring, and remembering the sigil i created has been a useful tool to remind myself of my standing in the world. i would like to share its intricacies for the possibility that somebody else might find it useful or interesting, if not just to document it for myself for future reference; for future times of need.

but what does it mean?

"cogsin" is an acronym based on what each of the points represents:

• Creations produced intentionally, utilizing the facets of a person [manifestations]
• Omissions in awareness of one's being. operational errors that present as flaws [repressions]
• Grasp the knowledge. grip the tools. [science & technology]
• Steady the feelings. stoke the spirit. [emotions & spirituality]
• Inherit the responsibility of life. exist as an iteration in your family tree [life/death cycle]
• Nurture what has been given to you into something that you desire [nature]

i need NIC... otine: the fundamental triangle

excuse the Destrends🡥 reference - this actually has nothing to do with smoking or nicotine :) but i like to think of it kind of like the fire triangle.

first you have the fuel: the life/death cycle is like the wood in a campfire; the beginnings as a seed, the growth into a tree, the decay from the passing of time, and the rebirth that is passed down through generations. the supply continues as we procreate, and in events that act like chemical reactions, we are transformed.

next you have oxygen: nature is all around us, it is inside us as both sustenance and temperament, and facilitates our every move. without it, there is no life, there is no fire. a delicate balance must be maintained across an ecosystem, just as a flame will rage out of control if given too much oxygen.

finally, there is heat: manifestations are the spark of life, the keys to the ignition. without the deliberate action of creation, materialization does not occur and our ideas remain intangible, just as oxygen and fuel do nothing to create fire on their own without heat being added to the equation.

this triangle forms the basis of existence as humans: being born into a life, adopting a role in the world, and shaping our existence before it's time for us to pass on. the bottom line of the triangle, the connection between nature and the cycle, creates a baseline that we are built upon. it's where you come from, it's who you are, and the extent of which we can change things about this might be limited but is still possible. both nature and the life/death cycle are forces which cannot be denied.

based on the circumstances life has given you, what will you choose to manifest into the world?

GINS and bionics: identifying the shape of a person

we experience emotion from the moment we are born. the first thing a baby knows how to do is cry. we can communicate using our emotions, and conversely our emotions can communicate things to the person experiencing them.

spirituality, on the other hand, is not as universally lived through - some supposedly immersed in it, some having it forced on them, some claiming to not dabble in it at all. i personally feel that something as simple as being out in nature can count as nurturing the spirit, but who am i to impose my beliefs? i think that is a vital point in defining who we are: what you choose to do with the emotions you naturally feel, what you choose to believe in (or perhaps not).

science is one of those things people have varying degrees of faith in. technology was born when humans first started making and using tools, long before the scientific method came into being. is using these things really a choice we are able to make in the current day, or are our lives submerged in them regardless of our feelings on them? if they are truly inescapable, maybe it's the way you choose to use them that says something about you.

interlocking COGS: modern wonders, mental wellbeing, & the void

it's amazing what humans have accomplished with science and technology. when the industrial revolution happened, the two became closely intertwined - giving rise to each pushing the other forward continuously, advancing our knowledge on things like medicine, agriculture, and space travel among others.

unfortunately humanity has also manifested horrors. weapons of war, AI data centers contributing to climate change, industrial pollution, an over reliance on non-renewable energy, just to name a few. were intentions good upon the creation of these things? does it matter if they were or not after seeing their effects on the world?

where manifestations are usually intentional, perhaps we could shed some light on the things that lurk in our mind as blind spots - our repressions. the Jungian shadow explains this perfectly: as the counterpart to the ego or the mask you wear to identify who you are, it is often the things you don't want to be and reject in yourself, which can cause you to act out or feel negatively. the shadow does not always consist of only detrimental qualities; it is entirely possible to repress things of a benign or even positive nature.

when repressions run rampant without any consideration, they are often disruptive whenever something pokes or triggers them. they can also obscure hidden potential, so it would behoove you to become aware of them if you want to become the best version of yourself. many people however, do not care to do this, and continue on in life with the disruptions caused by them closely by their side.

COGSIN: the entire diagram as a whole (now in colour!)

the word "sigil" has its roots in magic and the occult. i feel conflicted on my own relationship to witchcraft because my idea of "magic" does not lie with spells, crystals, or potions - but i do feel that setting intentions are important and that rituals have their place with accomplishing that through externalizing internal goals. i do not carry out the kind of rituals one would typically imagine when thinking of witchcraft, rather i think of my art and various other manifestations as my own version of ritual.

i use this sigil as a reminder of who i am and where i want to go; i do not believe it possesses any supernatural qualities by way of calling it a sigil. even after reading all of what i wrote here about it, you may not feel moved or as though you have learned anything new. however, for someone like me who sometimes strains to find my footing in the world, it has acted as a beacon of hope that i am able to recognize myself as someone who does, even if only minutely, matter and make a difference. too many times have i felt small and lost in a gigantic, intimidating world.

if you've made it here to the end of my mini essay, if nothing else maybe you've learned a thing or two about me. maybe you already knew i was a bit kooky. i really think the phrase "don't kill the part of you that is cringe, kill the part of you that cringes" is useful for not feeling bad about being who i am. so i won't comment on how baring my thoughts like this makes me feel vulnerable. i thank you for visiting my little corner of the internet, and hope that you are able to feel content with your own place in the world. if not, i hope you can find the courage and have the resources to change it. if that's not possible, well, all we have left is acceptance and to try to make the best of what little we do have.